Violence is threatening but it's not always physical. Words can be violent. Even silence can feel threatening in the right context. Forms of non-physical violence such as threats, intimidation, or "coercive control," typically precede physical aggression and have a long-term impact which is just as damaging.

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Right now, there are people you know and interact with every day who face these forms of violence at home. In the one place where they should feel safest, they are the most vulnerable; abused by the very person they should be able to trust. Perpetrators typically deny their actions, leaving victims confused and insecure, fearful of speaking out. But their struggle affects the family and work environment. Ultimately the entire community suffers.

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Abusive relationships are complicated and difficult to discuss because the problem is never summed up in one action. It is tied to a pattern of degradation and isolation which is erratic and unpredictable but intensifies slowly and subtly, almost imperceptibly, over time. Victims have typically been told what they should think and what they should do for too long. They need someone who will truly listen to their perspective. 

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The signs of abuse are hidden because victims cope by justifying, compromising and accepting behaviors they would never have accepted before. But if unaddressed, sustained abuse can have dramatic consequences including reactive violence and live-threatening illness. It is crucial that we relieve the fear of public perception, social and professional stigma that stands in the way of open dialogue. 

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The definition of domestic violence and the terminology which describes it, has been revised in Britain and other countries to emphasize the impact of non-physical forms of abuse, including "coercive control." In recent years, a handful of states have followed their lead to ensure laws provide necessary protections. 

Yet PREVENTION is always more effective than criminalization.

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Just as victims need accessible resources to help them understand what is happening, young people need consistent community support which teaches them 

to resolve problems peacefully and with respect for others. 

When there is conflict in the home, they need the support of a community that seeks to understand the impact of sustained trauma. 

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We can alter the pattern with a focus on prevention instead of reaction, with a unified effort to share knowledge, promote peace, listen and open our minds to understand what our eyes can't see.

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