Community Affairs

might be your child's teacher, any coworker or neighbor. It might even be your sweet aunt Sally. We tend to equate domestic violence or domestic abuse with people we don't know or associate with on a regular basis. But the reality is quite different. Abusive relationships cross all social and economic lines, affecting millions of people every day who struggle silently.

While the stigma we associate with "domestic violence," or "abuse" keeps the majority of victims quiet, their fear of judgement only perpetuates the stereotype and further enables their abuser. There are many people you interact with daily who are denied the peace and security we all need at home. Instead they feel emotionally or physically threatened, faced with daily condescension and intimidation. They carry these burdens around with them, becoming distracted, detached and isolated. Their health and job performance are affected. As a result, the impact of their private struggle creates pressures on every aspect of our social and economic system.

Most victims of domestic abuse struggle silently for many years before anyone notices a decline in their mental, emotional and physical health. Many never disclose their secrets. Others hold off until the pattern of emotional abuse leads, as it typically does, to physical violence or permanent disabilities which can no longer be hidden. Even when they decide to talk, many still have their experience casually dismissed with a number of responses we have socially ingrained to avoid association with or responsibility toward to victims of abuse.

It might be your child's teacher, any coworker or neighbor. It might even be your sweet aunt Sally. We tend to equate domestic violence or domestic abuse with people we don't know or associate with on a regular basis. But the reality is quite different. Abusive relationships cross all social and economic lines, affecting millions of people every day who struggle silently.

While the stigma we associate with "domestic violence," or "abuse" keeps the majority of victims quiet, their fear of judgement only perpetuates the stereotype and further enables their abuser. There are many people you interact with daily who are denied the peace and security we all need at home. Instead they feel emotionally or physically threatened, faced with daily condescension and intimidation. They carry these burdens around with them, becoming distracted, detached and isolated. Their health and job performance are affected. As a result, the impact of their private struggle creates pressures on every aspect of our social and economic system.

Most victims of domestic abuse struggle silently for many years before anyone notices a decline in their mental, emotional and physical health. Many never disclose their secrets. Others hold off until the pattern of emotional abuse leads, as it typically does, to physical violence or permanent disabilities which can no longer be hidden.

Even when victims decide to talk, many are still dismissed as overly sensitive, resentful or mistrusting. But you could be the person who reminds them, even in some subtle way, that their feelings do matter and that we all deserve unconditional respect, particularly at home. You can do that in small ways, by showing interest in how they feel, by recognizing their efforts, or by actively listening to what they have to say. Your words will have an impact whether you realize it or not. Sometimes the slightest gesture can establish a connection between two people which can turn someone's life around. Because we never know when that might happen, its worth the effort to open the door to possibility by simply being emotionally available whenever possible.

The impact of abuse doesn't stop in the home. Abusive relationships affect the entire community. Think about all the people you depend on every day to be alert, polite and professional. When their personal lives begin to impact their job performance, the entire community suffers. Emotional abuse isn't "someone else's problem," when it is affecting your child's teacher, your banker, or just the person you pass on the street, struggling to process the emotional neglect or chaos at home, who appears rude or unwelcoming and puts you in a bad mood. It might be a distracted driver, a cranky store employee or an overly demanding CEO. Their problems are your problems too.

We all have an obligation to do something, not only to help others, but because we are all affected in some way. Even a small gesture of understanding could have a huge impact in their lives. You could be the person who reminds them, even in some subtle way, that their feelings do matter and that we all deserve unconditional respect, particularly at home but also at work and in the community. You can do that in small ways, by showing interest in how others feel, even strangers.

Recognize the efforts of those you encounter, ask questions or listen actively to what others have to say. Your words and actions will have an impact whether you realize it or not. Sometimes the slightest gesture can establish a connection between two people that can turn someone's life around.

Think about all the people you depend on every day to be alert, polite and professional. When their personal lives begin to impact their job performance, the entire community suffers. Emotional abuse isn't "someone else's problem," when it is affecting your child's teacher, your banker, or just the person you pass on the street, struggling to process the emotional neglect or chaos at home, who appears rude or unwelcoming and puts you in a bad mood. It might be a distracted driver, a cranky store employee or an overly demanding CEO. Their problems are your problems too.

The impact of abuse doesn't stop in the home. Abusive relationships affect the entire community. We all have an obligation to do something, not only to help others when called upon but to reach out and make the effort to create peace whenever and wherever you can.