Know More ... Then Do More

The impact of domestic violence cannot be understood without realizing that the most damaging aspect of physical abuse is emotional trauma. Physical attacks are accompanied and preceded by emotional abuse in almost every case. The two go hand-in-hand and must be viewed together.

As any victim will tell you, the emotional impact of abuse by a person you trust is far more damaging than any physical act. In one sense, victims who struggle with emotional or mental abuse on its own and have no physical scars, face greater trauma. Often their real scars are visible by the slow decline of their overall health and appearance. But because no one can SEE what is happening, victims are doubted and questioned, their pain is minimized, they are left alone and withtout recourse.

Because it is hidden, perpetrators are free to deny their abuse, which only intensifies the victim's pain, degrading and isolating them spiritually and emotionally. When this happens with a spouse or someone you've committed your life to, it takes away not only your dignity, but alters and disturbs a person's basic sense of security and peace of mind, essential needs which we take for granted until they are taken away. Because the trauma of emotional abuse is hidden and typically dismissed by society, the impact destabilizes a person, alters their personality, diminishes their mental capacity, and slowly deteriorates their physical health.

Because emotional abuse is hidden, it just doesn't "seem" so bad to others because there are no visible scars. Even close friends and family are reluctant to accept or confront the issues because they are private and personal, as the details of any intimate relationship should be. We are taught not to meddle in other people's private affairs. Finally, there is a social stigma attached to the notion of domestic abuse in any form. We like to think it only affects "other" people, those who are weaker or less informed than we are.

But we have to first understand that a pattern of psychological abuse begins slowly and increases subtly, apparent only in private and denied in public. Victims are often blamed or insulted for the mere suggestion, increasing their own doubt and uncertainty. Because it is so private and insidious, it can affect anyone of any background or socio-economic position. In fact, it is more often covered up by those who do not fit the stereotype because public perception tells us they "should know better."

Emotional abuse escalates over time but can be very erratic. Victims continue to stay because they are given periodic hope, only to have it dashed time after time. No one event or episode can adequately demonstrate the impact of long term and sustained abuse. The warning signs are typically minimized until it is too late. By then, it is difficult if not impossible to prove or even discuss. Yet as the sense of fear and foreboding overtakes their thoughts and actions, victims become isolated and withdrawn, and even more emotionally dependent on their abuser.

What a victim truly needs is someone who can listen with concern and objectivity, willing to offer a rational perspective, a balanced opinion and constructive advice. But that takes time and is not easy to find.

The more you KNOW about the patterns of abuse, the more #YouCan do to be there for someone you know, even the smallest gesture of understanding can make a huge difference.

It takes only a few minutes to learn more so

#YouCan

make a difference.