A Personal Statement

A Personal Statement on GOALS

By sharing my own experience and the lessons learned from it, my goal is to provide the knowledge and the tools that might save at least one other person from allowing an abusive relationship to continue too long. Emotional abuse in an intimate relationship leaves a person in perpetual shock and confusion, trying to process things that don't fit normal patterns, and searching for answers. My goal is to help make those answers more accessible, for those with questions like "What is normal?" "What should I expect?" "How can I make him/her understand how I feel?" and, of course, "Am I crazy?"

A victim of psychological abuse will have their thoughts and feelings constantly degraded, their emotional security shattered and confidence eroded. The devasting impact is not visible to others and extremely difficult to expain or document. Yet, suicide and deteriorating health are the undocumented results. No particular example can adequately illustrate the problem. It is the pattern of actions and neglect that matters.

Anyone can be trapped in this cycle regardless of intelligence or station in life. Unless we as a nation commit to restoring the values of respectful communication and dedicate resources to individual emotional security as the foundation for peace, until we #KnowThePattern that leads to violence, we can't stop it.

Increased reliance on the internet, while a natural evolution of society, has amplified these issues. We no longer spend the same amount of time in personal communication, young people connect less intimately with extended family and have the resources of a community that cares for them as individuals. Cyber communication has allowed us to reach more people but has, at the same time, an isolating effect, while also providing new hiding places for criminal activity. Young women face a growing risk. There is an immediate need to act now.

Finally, it is imperative that we create the means for open dialogue and erase the social stigma associated with the dreadful words "domestic violence."

No one likes to discuss this issue. We tend to think it only involves "other people."

But it's much more prevalent than we imagine. We have to find a comfort zone to initiate conversation if we hope to break down the stereotypes standing in the way of effective solutions. Because the only pain worse than the overt betrayal of a person's love and trust, is in having having the truth covered up, the impact of their experience denied or invalidated, and their feelings mocked and ridiculed.

As we do this, our minds will be more open in other ways to what our eyes don't see.

Somewhere along the line I realized that if it could happen to me, it can happen to anyone and it does, everyday. But we will only understand the prevalence of this issue when we start redefining how we perceive and react to the issue of domestic violence and how we stereotype its victims.

I propose we work together to reach as many people as possible with the message of peace and prevention establishing a set of clear goals and expectations which can be reached before National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, 2023.

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In the end, we can save lives if we work together but only if we challenge our own preconceived notions first, encourage discussion of real-life situations and the damage that is unseen but very real.